


Wacky Hijinks

by coraxes



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 19:03:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12238851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coraxes/pseuds/coraxes
Summary: After a two-day disappearance, Buffy returns with three love interests in tow.  It's definitely a spell, right?





	Wacky Hijinks

**Author's Note:**

> So, [rahirah posted on tumblr](http://rahirah.tumblr.com/post/165746245748/i-am-so-goddamn-sick-of-people-in-this-fandom) that "I swear to God, someone needs to write Buffy, Spike, Faith and Angel in a massively schmoopy foursome fic, with all of them head over heels in love with each other and giving each other foot rubs and feeding each other ice cream and shit and saying 'No, I love YOU more!'"
> 
> I had to deliver.
> 
> This is absolute crack, so I hope this is good for a laugh, at least. That said, if someone wants to write a giant get-together foursome epic I would love you forever.

“What did you do?” Xander asked with no preamble when Willow picked up her ringing phone.

“Nothing?” Willow said, frowning.  “I’ve been studying with Tara--or, or is this about the eye of newt?  I told Anya I’d pay for that later.”

“No,” Xander hissed.  He didn’t sound angry, thankfully--Willow was kinda tired of people being mad at her.  He actually sounded...scared.  Like he was trying to hide the fact that he was on the phone at all.  “To  _Buffy._ Or any of them, really.”

“Buffy’s back?” They hadn’t heard anything from Buffy since some demon had, according to Dawn, opened a portal into the Summers home and snatched her up two days ago, around the same time Spike went missing.  They had been trying to find her ever since.  “Oh thank God--is she okay? To any of _who_?”

“ _No_ ,” he said, and then there was a muffled curse, followed by, “give that--”

“Xander is trying to tell you that he’s very uncomfortable because Buffy, Faith, Angel, and Spike just came back from a date and might be having sex in the training room right now,” said Anya.  On the other side of the line something crashed, followed by a feminine moan even Willow could hear.  “They are  _definitely_ having sex in the training room.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Willow said hurriedly.  Obviously the whole demon-kidnapping thing had been an evil Spike plot, or an evil Angelus plot.  Or maybe something to do with whatever Angel had been up to.  Then she realized what exactly Anya was saying.  “...All four of them?”

“Sounds like it,” said Anya.  “They better be careful with the walls.  One of the ones in the training room is load-bearing.  Have you ever seen vampire have sex?  Or Slayers?  They can bring a house down, literally.”

So, Willow definitely needed to fix this.  Now.  “I’ll be there in a few,” she said, and hung up.

* * *

Dawn peeked down the stairs cautiously at the crowd gathering in her living room.

Faith caught her watching first.  “Hey, kid,” she said, waving.  “B said I hadn’t actually met you before today, so...uh, nice to see you, I guess.”  

Dawn blinked.  She remembered meeting Faith; she seemed so  _cool,_ and she had begged her mom to let her wear the same dark lipstick for months afterward.  That wasn't actually real, but whatever; Faith had seemed pretty nice.  Before she started killing people, at least.  Wasn’t she supposed to be in jail now?

Then she took in the rest of the people with her.  Angel and Spike and  _Buffy._ Dawn ran down the stairs, stopping just short of hugging her sister; Buffy had seemed weird and shy ever since she came back to life, like she didn’t want to touch anyone.  But now Buffy smiled and hugged her back.  

“You’re okay,” Dawn said, and pulled back.  “What happened?  Why are all you guys here?”

Buffy bit her lip.  She had a weird bruise on the side of her neck--a  _hickey_ , ohmygawd,  _gross._ “It’s date night,” she said, and shrugged.

“We, uh,” said Angel, rubbing the back of his head, “kinda figured everyone would want an explanation.”

“Damn right,” Xander muttered.

“So since everyone’s here, time for the whole story,” said Buffy.  “Why don’t we go to the living room?”

* * *

“There were hijinks,” began Buffy, straight-faced.

Spike rolled his eyes and caught Faith doing the same; they exchanged a grin.  That was their Buffy and her brilliant command over the English language.  Still, he could hardly blame her.  After that demon had scooped the four of them up, they’d spent months in an alternate dimension, alone but for each other.  It was hardly easy to explain to the rest of the Scooby gang.

They’d all been worried about their reception at first, even if only Buffy and Angel had admitted to it.  But now, with Angel’s arm around his shoulders, Faith sprawled across his lap, and Buffy’s hand squeezing his, Spike couldn’t bring himself to give a singular flying fuck about the way Willow and Xander were shooting each other looks.

“…And that’s how it happened,” Buffy finished after a while.  “Angel can’t lose his soul anymore, and Spike is fine without one, and Faith has done way more than enough to make up for everything a few years ago, and I’m fine even though I’m not in heaven anymore.”

“So,” Dawn said slowly, “you guys are all like...together now?”

Buffy nodded.  “I love them all,” she said, completely unembarrassed.

“Aww, B,” Faith drawled. “Not as much as I do.”

“Is this a competition now?  Who nearly died saving your sorry arses in a prison dimension--” Spike protested.  Like hell he was gonna be outdone by one of his Slayers.

“I did that too,” Angel said, giving Spike that stupid, sexy smirk of his.  

“Always have to be the bigger person, don’t you?”

“ _Well_ \--”

“OKAY,” snapped Xander, voice high-pitched.  “I think that’s enough.”

“Really, guys, Dawn’s here,” Buffy hissed.  

Oh, right.  “He started it,” said Spike.

“ _Anyway_ ,” said Buffy, “since we’ve been gone in a hell dimension for like, six months by our time, we’d really like to just have a cool date night where no one tries to kill us.  You guys can freak out away from here.”

“Planning on it,” said WIllow.  The witch’s eyes were so wide Spike wondered if they’d just fall out.  He held in a snicker at the mental image.  

“Good,” said Buffy, and turned to her girlfriend and boyfriends.  “So, who wants a backrub?”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are <3.


End file.
